• Naomi Kiyoko Wilson

My Tips on Developing Confidence

Updated: Mar 27


It’s fair to say that confidence is something that we all strive for. Some of us already know our worth, and some of us have very low self-esteem. In my opinion, most of us fall somewhere in the middle. We make self-deprecating jokes from time to time yet are decent at self-advertising (professional bragging) for applications and scholarships. Whether it’s by a little or by a lot, we can all work on boosting our self-esteem.

Now, as a reminder, confidence is different from arrogance. An arrogant person believes that they are the best and thus have nothing else to learn, whereas a confident person knows that they are skilled and have the capabilities to be even better. Essentially, confidence has an added element of humbleness that arrogance does not.

Another thing to keep in mind is that confidence takes time to develop. It will not happen overnight, and at times it will be difficult to trust yourself and stay humble. As with any skill, it is best to practice it on a daily basis and focus more on progress than perfection. Eventually, being confident will be subconscious, and you won’t have to actively think about it anymore. Sounds nice, right?

Here are some of my tips on developing confidence:

  • Switch from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. A fixed-minded person believes that skill and intelligence are set and cannot be changed. A growth-minded person knows that, with hard work, they can improve themselves and become a more skilled or intelligent person. For example, many people see singing as something that cannot be improved, but this is not necessarily true. Although many famous singers were born with natural talent, there are others (such as Ed Sheeran) who worked hard to train their vocal cords (vocal cords are muscles after all) to be able to sing well. Don’t give up on your dreams quite yet!

  • As with things that cannot be changed, such as appearance, work on finding the beauty in these things. Try not to let other people and society in general dictate how you see yourself. Now, this is not at all easy. After all, societal norms and beauty standards, which commonly stem from colonialism, have degraded people for centuries. When you're up against a system like that, you should cut yourself some slack. Take baby steps. Push yourself, little by little, to become your greatest advocate, and critically examine critiques that are coming from others. Often this type of hate is coming from jealous people, and you don’t need that negativity in your life. You’ve got more important things to do :)

  • Whenever you find yourself making more self-deprecating comments than usual, use the opportunity to lift yourself up while also staying humble. For example, you can change thoughts such as “I’m not smart enough” to “I am trying my best and will get better through experience.” Not only is the latter more uplifting, but it will also motivate you to work harder towards your goals. If the comment is about your appearance, such as “my eyes are ugly,” replace the thought with “my eyes are beautiful but society has taught me to think otherwise.” You could also take my approach, and imagine that someone whom you dislike is saying this to you. That feeling of self-hatred will likely turn into anger, which will probably result in you defending yourself. Dropping an f-bomb in this case is helpful, so don’t be ashamed if that happens!

That’s all! I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post. Next month I will dive into the topic of goals and how you can make the best of them for the new year. See you next week!

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naomi@benefactioninternational.com​

St Paul, MN, USA

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